Dear Girl in the Purple Shirt at Wal-Mart,
You don't know me, but I couldn't help but overhear your phone conversation today with your mom. I really didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you said estrogen really loud and words like that get my attention. A progesterone level of 14 isn't the best, but it isn't nearly as bad as your gyn nurse made you think. I don't know why they wanted it to be at least 18...pretty sure 16 was the "great" ovulatory number just last year. I would be surprised if your dr already wants to up your dosage just based on that progesterone number. I really wanted to say something to you, but you made absolutely no eye contact with me, and I don't blame you. I was just another young "fertile" mom to you with a sweet baby asleep in my cart, and you were in too much pain to look. I even heard you complain to your mom about how walmart has now changed their layout so that you have to walk right through the baby section to get anywhere. I remember all too well avoiding "that" corner of walmart, and I really do understand why walking by something as simple as formula and baby food causes a lump in your throat on a bad day. It was like baby was everywhere in the store (including this really adorable baby girl with a sheep coat on), and I felt terrible that I was part of causing you pain. I really hope your miracle is coming soon and that one day you will be able to do something as simple as grocery shopping without feeling the pain. I've been there, and I know how infertility follows you throughout your day.
Love,
An Infertile Wal-Mart Shopper
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9 comments:
Courtney, this is so kind and so true! It seems like this for many people at some point, I know it did for me, and I didn't have infertility issues, just keeping the baby in issues. :D
I don't know why I relate to you so much but as I read this post many emotions surfaced. I too struggled with infertility before we adopted (4 kids) and then I became pregnant with our 5th! And while I am SO THANKFUL I want so often to tell people I come across that are infertile that I do understand, and hurt, and relate to them. I guess I am just trying to say thanks. It was a thoughtful post. Maybe the "girl in the purple shirt" or some other hurting mom to be will read this and be encouraged. God bless you!
Courtney, you may have directed this post to that girl at walmart, but my heart felt it as if you said it to me. So thank you.
I think this is just another example of how we never really know what is around us. That girl didn't know there was a friendly soul nearby. How often has that happened to the rest of us? Things are not always as they seem. Just as you looked like another fertile.. I think (sadly) that infertility is all around us. It's just mostly hidden away. :(
Wonderful post Courtney! I have been there, sometimes I still struggle walking through the baby dept. of stores. This is definitely a post I will carry with me throughout the day!
Courtney - thank the Lord I stumbled upon your blog today. We do not know each other, but after reading this post I feel as if we were best friends. Your words touched my heart and filled my eyes with tears. My husband and I are going through this "journey" right now and I cross my heart, I am feeling the exact same feelings that you described in your letter to the girl in the purple shirt. There is something so comforting knowing that we are not alone in our situation. Not that I would want anyone to go through this, but there is so much comfort knowing that you overcame infertility. Maybe the Lord is putting us through this so that we may encourage others when we finally get to hold our little mirales in our hands. You certianly have made my day. Thank you so much! Sorry to be anonymous, but I havent ever shared our struggle with anyone quite yet. Still have to work up the nerve to go public....
Courtney, Just wanted to thank you so much for all your advice! I made a nursing cover yesterday and it made my day that our nursery reminded you of Father of the Bride II nursery! I have always said I wanted our nursery to look like that one...probably why I chose the light yellow for that room long before we started trying to get pregnant! Henry is so precious and I'm glad you commented so I can start keeping up with your blog too!
Like several of the others, I appreciated reading this post, especially today. Today was day 28, and although I haven't started yet, there was a big fat "NOT PREGNANT" on my test this morning.
I went to lunch today with my husband and felt like everyone around me had a sweet little baby...everyone but me. It was a rough day, but I guess there's always next month.
And, like your anonymous commenter, I also have not shared my infertility struggles with anyone. Not sure why exactly, but maybe if she reads these comments, she'll know someone else is right there with her in this.
Thanks again for posting from your heart and touching mine.
i want you to know that i very much appreciate your blog and your heart about what happened at walmart. although i've let family members (mine) and friends know of our struggle, i still feel very much alone in our struggle with infertility. people don't know the depth of disappointment or pain for couple with this struggle. it helps for me to read your blog (i peak at a few others, but yours is my favorite) and to remember that i'm not the only one out there. i thank God that you're obediently vulnerable with us as you share. thank you!!!
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