Kate 5 Months and Henry 2 1/2ish :)

I still feel like life is still so crazy right now so much going on with trying to get a rental house here (virtually impossible) and trying to sell our house in Mississippi (also seems almost impossible...but we almost have a contract!).  We will be moving all of our stuff over (yay!  I will finally have my kitchen stuff and clothes and rocking chair--can't wait to rock Kate!!!) this coming week so everything kinda needs to be decided and changed over (utilities etc) by the end of next week.  I will just warn y'all in advance that this post isn't going to flow and is going to be all over the place because I'm going to try to type it in 5-10 mins.  I love love looking back on Henry's baby updates so I just wanted to blog a little about miss sweet kate at 5 months.  She is still such a happy baby.  I love how easily she smiles :) and now how often she giggles.  I just don't think there is anything better than baby giggles.  It is amazing how fast a baby giggle can make everything better.  Kate is such a good lap baby.  As long as she is sitting in mama's lap, she is content as she can be!  This makes eating out etc so much easier.  She still gets up several times a night but that is fine with me because I know it won't last forever ;).  In fact, she just got up, and I had to nurse her back to sleep.  Poor Kate has her first cold, and she is just pitiful at night.  I think I might tell Shaun to sleep on the couch tonight because I'm anticipating a long night.  Kate has started the extra cute baby talk "babababa" and maybe "dadadda" today...no mamama yet...can't wait for that!  She is now doing push ups when she is on her belly and somehow starting to move herself away from her mat.  No crawling yet though...I bet she will be closer to 7 months.  Kate is getting close to being able to sit independently but not there yet.  Guessing that will be more of a six month milestone.  It is so crazy to that it is almost time to start solids.  Can't believe it!!  I'm going to try to make my own baby food this time so I need to get ready for that and buy a high chair off craigslist for Kate.  Speaking of craigslist...I don't know if I will ever buy anything baby equip new again.  Amazing the deals that you can get on there!

And now for a little Henry update.  Henry is seriously cracking me up.  I love love this age.  He is starting to become more conversational with his language like responding to questions with "okay" or "yeah" or just answering the question.  It is so funny to hear what comes out of his sweet little mouth.  Like the other day, he came up to me and said "Hey Mama, how's it goin?"  Lol.  Where did he get that from?  He is also starting to quote favorite lines from Cars or tv shows like "Rusteez!  wow!  Look at that shine!"  Henry is getting into imaginary play.  Oh how I love love imaginary play so I'm really enjoying this new stage.  I love listening to him play independently as he is staring to give his race cars their own voices.  Henry has had a couple nightmares recently, and I feel so sorry for him but I love that he can tell me now what happened in the nightmare.  The most common issue is that there is "a big robot in there."  He loves robots, but I could see how they could be pretty scary in a nightmare.  Most of the time, Henry is a super sweet big brother to Kate, and they already have such a sweet brother/sister relationship.  They love each other so much, and it is so fun to hear them giggle with each other.  Henry can't stand it for Kate to be asleep so he tries his best to sneak in and wake her up.  This doesn't make mama very happy, but I can't be upset for long as she always gives him a big smile when he wakes her up :).
I so need to upload pics and back up pics, but I just don't have the time right now.  I will do it when we get settled in our new house.
But here is a cell pic of Kate (she is actually 4 months in this pic but it is the most recent one I have on fb to grab :)  Such a princess already :)

And here is an old pic from our birth center tea...when she was just two months old.  Where's Kate?  Who can find her?

2011...A Year in Review

Every year since I started blogging, I've taken a little time to write a year summary.  It is always fun to look back on a year to see all that has happened/changed.  I honestly considered not writing a year in the review about 2011.  I'm actually feeling a little nauseous even starting to write this post, and I might delete it once I'm finished (guess I didn't if you are reading this).  2011 was not an easy year. at all.  I'm going to say that it was definitely our hardest yet.  We learned a lot and we had the wonderful blessing of Miss Kate, but it was still a very tough year.  Some of the details especially concerning Shaun's job loss etc, I can't discuss on a public blog, but I will do my best to at least share what we have been through and what God has taught us through it.

Jan-early May- 2011 started out great!  We were enjoying Kate's pregnancy (despite being very tired) and found out to our surprise that we were having a girl.  We loved watching Mr. Henry grow and learn as he began to talk.  And I had started doula training and attended 3 births as a doula that honestly changed my life.  We loved our church and Mississippi, and we were really getting comfy.  We really seemed to put life on cruise control and were living paycheck to paycheck while enjoying eating out and having fun.  I can remember vividly going out on payday to Bonef.ish Grill and even though we shared an entree...we were living it up.  Little did we know that would be our last full paycheck and our last payday for a while.

Some day in early May (I have completely blocked out what day thank goodness), I was busy scrubbing our guest bedroom toilet as we were expecting overnight guests when I received what I thought was going to be my normal "hey honey, I'm on my way home" phone call from Shaun.  I immediately could tell something was wrong, but I couldn't believe it when I heard the words, "I think I might have just been fired."  To say that I was shocked was in understatement.  My immediate thought was okay this can't be happening...I'm sure he is just overreacting and everything is fine, but as I heard more details on how they treated him on his way out, I started to realize that this was for real.  It was one of those moments where you can't catch your breath and your heart is beating out of your chest.  Thankfully our overnight company was wonderful company, and we were in such shock that we could almost go on that night as if nothing happened (we decided not to tell them as we were still very much processing what was going on ourselves).  It felt like my last chance to be normal so I took full advantage of it.  There were moments in the evening where it stung a little, but we were doing okay.  Then it was time for bed.  What is it about bedtime that makes everything feel so much worse?  I guess the lack of distraction.  We didn't sleep.  I was big prego at this point and was so tired from cleaning etc but I just couldn't sleep.  I know there was some praying and talking but for the most part it was just awake silence.  We were feeling so many emotions at once...shocked, angry, betrayed, scared.  I was probably more scared than anything.  Shaun was broken.  The most heartbreaking moment of our marriage so far was watching my husband get ready for "work" to drive down the road to a gas station to wait to save face for our overnight company.  I wish I could explain more what happened with his job but obviously I can't.  What I can say is that my husband is the hardest worker I know and an extremely talented engineer and that he shouldn't have been let go.  Shaun is a company guy.  He doesn't just work for himself to get a paycheck and call it a day.  He works above and beyond to get the job done so that his company is successful.  So the not having a paycheck part wasn't all of it...we took it personally.  It was/has been/is a struggle to not be bitter and angry.  Now that I know how God has used this in our life, it definitely makes it easier to not be bitter but to be honest there are still times when it comes up.  The days to follow were very difficult.  We went from bone.fish to w.ic (living paycheck to paycheck is not a good idea...just fyi) and the medicaid office to try to get insurance for my pregnancy (cobra is sooooo expensive).  Shaun was so strong and God gave him so much grace to handle the situation and to lead me because I was a mess.  I can try to blame it on the pregnancy hormones but I probably would have been the same way regardless.  It honestly felt similar to a death in the family.  I can remember one day early on when it all started to hit me while Henry was taking a nap, and I just cried and cried...it was so ugly and Shaun held me through the whole thing.  I can remember being amazed how fast Shaun would jump up and run to Henry when he fell or got hurt.  I guess he couldn't deal with anymore and was just holding tight to us to make sure we were okay.  Thankfully, we already scheduled a yard sale with some great friends of ours that we were going to do just to make room for baby #2.  Of course, now it was for food to eat and to pay for a mortgage so we sold everything that we could.  It was a few days after our sale that Shaun's job loss became public and our church family and local friends and family really came through for us.  God taught us a lot through the unbelievable generosity of others.  There were anonymous gift cards to grocery stores, a yard sale for us, money, baby gifts, job references, meals...it was so humbling and amazing to see God work through others to bless us and to provide.  We learned a lot about giving through receiving.  I never realized before how difficult it is to receive.  We were able to make each mortgage june, july and august and to pay all bills (except student loans).  We were really amazed.  God also provided many job leads and interviews.  This was so comforting because the job market was/is so rough out there that I was very concerned about how Shaun was going to get another job.  It was practically a full-time job to find a job, but there was still a lot of down time to spend together.  The time that we were able to spend together was special.  But of course there was always an underlying stress, and this led to some difficulty of us getting along many times during the three months without employment.  You know it is bad when you feel guilty for going out to eat at burger king and you only get one drink and split the fries.  Shaun and I both still don't like for Henry to watch "thomas and friends" (good thing he is all about curious george these days) because it literally makes us sick to hear it as it takes us back to that time.  Isn't it weird how smells/sounds etc can do that?  And that old saying "when it rains, it pours" is soooo true.  There was a rough stomach bug, ob drama, a time that I lost my keys in walmart and had to stay there with henry (without a nap) for literally like five hours or so (shaun didn't want to call the locksmith bc it would cost money that we didn't have), and many more stories that we can laugh about now.  I'm sure I looked straight out of the people of walmart blog...30 something weeks pregnant HUGE chugging a 2 quart orange juice in the middle of the store with a toddler in my cart...ha!

Late July-Early August "We are not moving to Dall.as."  I quickly realized that I could say that we weren't all day long but it was obvious that God wanted us to move, and he wanted us to move right away.  I didn't know if I should hope to go into labor or just go on to Dall.as.  The only thing on my brain at that moment was having a baby...how could it not be at 39 weeks pregnant?!  So I googled birth centers...found one that would take me...stared at the gorgeous surroundings and huge tub to labor and started to think "hey maybe this isn't so bad after all?"  this post and this post really explains the craziness of waiting for Kate, but she was well worth the wait and so was the birth experience.  I would love to labor like that again and hope that I get the opportunity to!

August-December- Adjusting to living in a new big city hasn't been easy either but it sure beats unemployment :).  And there is a lot of fun to be had in discovering a new city together as a family.  It has also bonded us together even more as we really have had no one to rely on except God and each other.  It hasn't been pretty at times for Shaun and me...just too much stress.  But I feel like we are becoming a stronger couple for having to work through these rough spots.  This year felt like boot camp for marriage.  Henry and Kate keep it fun :), and I've so enjoyed being at home with them.  Shaun works really long hours with his job so I have to do a lot on my own (the bath time/night time routine is the hardest).  I try to keep things simple for me, Henry and Kate, and I've honestly enjoyed so much the down time with my precious babies.  We've also gone through some rough times this fall as well.  We thought for probably about the entire month of August that Kate had a serious condition that showed up on a newborn screen.  Further testing revealed that the first newborn screen was a false positive and that the second newborn screen came back normal and someone just didn't READ the results correctly.  Oh my.  if they only knew how emotional and stressed I was taking these two kiddos postpartum around the city to get labs on my "sick" newborn.  And then in October, Shaun came home with the crazy news that his job was/is moving to cali.  But God has been so good and has provided another position within the company still here in D.allas that he has accepted so we are thankfully staying.                                      

Are you still with me?  If you are, I'm impressed :).  I'm glad I took the time to write all of this down.  It was good for me to get it out and reflect.  So in summary...some of the lessons learned of 2011:

1.  God is faithful to provide

2.  The money/job isn't ours to begin with...be responsible with the money that God has entrusted us

3.  Bitterness only brings you down...let it go.

4.  Receiving is hard

5.  Be thankful for the health of our family

6.  Don't get comfortable/cruise control through life

7.  God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) but that doesn't mean that it won't be tough to go through it

8.  We are blessed.

And the pic of 2011.....This pic means a lot to me as this was right after Shaun placed Kate on my chest.  It was obviously incredibly special as it was the birth of our sweet baby girl, but it also felt like a new beginning of our life together as a family in Texas.   

Tips for the 1 to 2 Transition

(Kate 4mo post below)

The transition from one to two scared me big time so while I was pregnant I asked friends/strangers for advice on transitioning from one to two kiddos and most of the time I got a blank stare while crickets chirped in the background :).  I took this as not a good sign of what was to come...

Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as I thought but was still pretty rough.  So before my memory of the newborn days with Kate becomes a complete blur, I thought I would write down a few tips.

1.  Wake baby when your toddler wakes--You have to get out of bed anyways so you might as well wake baby.  This well help your sweet newborn to be ready for bed when it is bedtime for your toddler (7 am/ 7pm etc).

2.  Start baby nighttime routine at the same time as toddler's--I give Kate a bath in her bath tub on the counter while Henry takes a bath in the same bathroom.  This just helps with getting them both down for the night around the same time.  I treasure that 2-3 hours that I get by myself at the end of the night to veg out/recharge.  

3.  Take a walk outside every day--Amazing how much this helped in the beginning when I just didn't have the energy to go out a lot with them both.  Kate was pretty fussy in the mornings so getting a 30 minute walk where my baby and toddler were both happy was wonderful.  Sunshine is good for the baby blues too!

4.  Shower before your hubby leaves for work- Get that shower or it is not going to happen.  I made it a habit to get a shower before Shaun left for work, and it made such a difference to be showered and dressed to make it through the morning hours without feeling so tired.

5.  Treasure the one-on-one time with your toddler- You are going to miss your toddler.  As silly as that may sound as you will be with him/her all day, but it is just not the same.  If you see a moment where baby is asleep and you can take your toddler to read a book in your lap etc...do it.

6.  Buy a few new books that you know your toddler will love- Shaun found a book right before we had Kate for Henry that was one of those "first 1000 words books."  Henry loved loved looking at that book, and it helped for him to have something to do on the couch with me while I nursed Kate.  Thank goodness for that book.

7.  High chair time- I only turn the TV on (with rare exceptions) when Henry is in his high chair so he loves staying in his high chair for a decent amount of time which gives me a few minutes that I don't have to worry that Kate is being sat on etc.  When Kate was a tiny newborn, Henry was in his high chair probably like four or five times a day (3 meals and 2 snack times).  It is survival mode so it is okay :).  

8.  Lay down with baby during your toddler's afternoon nap/quiet time-Oh how you will love that one on one time with your baby.  You aren't going to want to do anything "productive" so don't.  Seriously let the house go.  Hold your baby, feed your baby and most importantly get some sleep with your baby.  No guilt.  You need that bonding time.

9.  Do what works- Similar to above...do what works...no guilt.  And there is no such thing as spoiling a baby so just enjoy your baby.

10. Never rush- I have found that the worst thing you can do with two and what will get you into all kinds of trouble is to rush.  It will stress you out big time.  It is okay if you are late.  Just take.your.time.  You are probably going to have to nurse in the parking lot of Walmart and then inside walmart, and your shopping trip might seriously take three hours but that is okay.  Try not to have anything on the agenda except survival and baby/toddler hugs and kisses.

Kate 4 Months

Well I missed a 3 month post, but I'm trying to blog whenever I can find the time (little harder with two).  I'm hoping that I can get back in the habit of blogging because it is so fun to be able to look back on posts especially from the first year as they change so much.  I've really enjoyed reading about Henry as baby and comparing it to Kate.  It is so funny how alike they are in some ways and completely different in other ways.  It is also funny to see how my parenting style etc is evolving.

Size:  No idea on weight (4 month checkup in a few days),  6 mo clothes, size 2 diapers

Kate is such a sweetie pie :).  We all (including Henry) just love her to bits and enjoy having her around.  She is constantly bringing a smile to our faces as she is always smiling.  It is so easy to get her to smile...you pretty much just have to look at her.  Kate has started giggling this past month, and I don't think there is a sweeter sound.  I remember hearing Henry's first giggles and how they warmed my heart and Kate's do the same :).  Just tonight Henry got her to giggle for him for the first time.  Every time he "bounced" her in her bouncy seat (don't worry I was right there and she was strapped in), he would say "boing boing," and Kate would giggle.  It is so fun to see them interact.  I know there is definitely more to look forward to with the sibling love/fights/talks etc etc.  Shaun was holding her on Saturday night at a restaurant so I could finish eating, and he just looked at me and said "Courtney, I just love her so much."  It was such a sweet moment :).  This is the age where it definitely starts to get a little easier and everyone is able to enjoy baby even more.  The biggest milestone from this month would be that Kate rolled over.  And I missed it!!  I put Kate down on her back on her playmat, and Shaun walked in and said "um Courtney come look at Kate."  It was pretty funny :)..she was not even close to her mat (see pic below!).  She is also now grabbing and holding/playing with her toys.

Favorites:  She loves watching her brother.  Loves listening to me sing (got some really cute giggles from "I'm a little teapot" today).  And she loves girly toys already...call me crazy but seriously I can tell she already likes the pink stuff.  If I'm in a race car toy aisle with Henry, she shows absolutely no interest.  Stroll around to her aisle and her face lights up and she smiles :).

Sleep- She sleeps in her bassinet for the first part of the night 7-11:30ish and then sleeps with me and drinks as she pleases the rest of the night.  It works for me and works for her so for now I'm great with it!

Eating:  Such a little distracted eater the last week or two.  It is pretty funny and of course frustrating at times.  She will pop off at the slightest little sound and look at me like "what was that mama?"  Unlike mr.henry's 4 month post, we will not start solids this month.  So funny to me that I gave Henry baby food at this age....I can't imagine giving Kate baby food already.

Summary:  Thankful that we are getting to an easier stage!   But Kate...please stop growing up so fast!

Now for some pics :)....grabbed these from my phone...haven't uploaded pics from my camera in a long time.

My Ballerina

Looks so much like Henry!

Had to include one of my little buddy :)...he is wearing dada's hat

Here is the roll over I missed...did she crawl too??

Henry loves to play with his little sis

Kate- 2 months

I feel bad that I'm not getting to blog as much as I did when Henry was a baby so I'm going to try to make a habit of just posting quick posts when I have a chance.  I want to be able to go back and read about Kate as a baby because I know I won't remember it (why is that the newborn stage is especially this way??...probably because you are low on  sleep). 

Oh how I love my sweet Kate.  She is just miss precious.  She is a little talker and will talk to anyone who will listen.  She loves diaper changes and baths (totally the opposite of Henry who hated diaper changes as a little baby) and will go from screaming to cooing in about two seconds when I start to change her.  Kate also smiles sooo easily.  Pretty much if you just look at her, she will give you a cheesy grin.  She smiles so much with her eyes that she almost shuts them.  She already loves Henry, and he loves her...so fun to see their interaction.  She loves to be held and will only tolerate the swing, bouncy seat etc for very short amounts of time.  Kate loves her dada and gives him extra smiles and cooing.  I can tell that Shaun has really started to bond even more with Kate over the last couple weeks.  She already has him wrapped around her tiny little finger.  I just had to switch her clothes to 3 months, and she is in size two diapers!!  Growing up way too fast already.  She is such a blessing in our lives!!

I look back from the posts with Henry around this time (same time of year as they were born two days apart!), and it is so funny to me (and a little sad) to see how stressed I was as a new mom.  I have such a different perspective this time because I know from having Henry just how fast this stage goes by.  I am really just letting the apartment go and focusing on my sweet little ones because there will be time to clean later.  I'm not in a rush for her to sleep through the night or to take naps alone.  I just want to hold her and soak her up.  I feel so much more stable emotionally this time than with Henry.  I actually believe for me that the natural birth helped for my hormones to be more stable even Shaun noticed and said that he was thinking the same thing.  I also think that her birth helped me trust my instincts as a mother.  I have thrown every book etc out the window and have focused on asking myself what I would have done if I didn't have any outside influences etc.  I don't like mom labels like attachment etc, but I'm just more willing this time to just let her be a tiny baby who needs her mama a good amount of the day/night.  And just a little update on Henry...he is doing so well with being a big brother.  Very proud of him!!  He continues to be an incredible mess maker.   I know everyone thinks I'm just talking about a typical two year old boy mess, but I'm not...it is amazing.  And I can guarantee that he can make a bigger mess than any toddler.   I wonder what his room is going to look like as a teenager???!!  eek.  I'm just picking my battles right now and not sweating the small stuff (or the big messes).  Henry continues to become more and more verbal every day, and I love to hear the sweet words that come out of his mouth especially what he says to Kate.  "shake and bake Kate" (while giving a fist bump)  "it's okay kate...I know."

I love my babies!!  And I'm so thankful for this season in my life where I really don't have many activities or places to be other than being with my kids and enjoying them (or tolerating them...yes I have my moments:) ).

Birth Story

This birth story is going to be detailed and will have lots of tmi so only read if you are okay with that...you have been warned :).  

Moving to a new state two days before your due date might be the exact definition of crazy but that is exactly what we did :).  We really had to make a hard decision as we knew that Shaun had to start a new job (couldn't miss orientation) on August 1st which was exactly one week past my due date.  I really thought at the time that I would have her by then but there were no guarantees, and my cervix had not changed at all.  I started to wonder if I was really meant to have Kate in Texas all along.  When I went through my doula training six weeks pregnant with Kate one little activity that we did was to describe our ideal/dream birth.  I knew exactly what I wanted and that was a birth at a birth center close to a hospital with a giant tub and highly skilled and trained midwifes.  At that time, I thought there would be no way possible that I could have that kind of birth as there are no birth centers in Mississippi.  Shaun and I talked and prayed it over and felt a peace that could only come from God that we needed to go.  I can't remember how many days it was between making that decision and leaving Mississippi, but it couldn't have been more than a couple days.  We literally got a copy of my medical records, made a hotel reservation, packed up the van with as much as we could and left.

My first appointment with the birth center was on my due date.  It was a long appointment as they went through my entire medical history, but it felt absolutely wonderful to be in that place.  It was fun to think about all of the sweet miracles that had taken place in that old house (birth center was in a redone Victorian home) as I looked around at all of the precious footprints of the babies born on the wall.  There was so much excitement building inside of me as I realized I was literally due any day and that I was finally in the place that we would meet Kate.  And then we waited...

The birth center that I went to has a very good relationship with their backup obs and hospital that is blocks away, which is one of the things that I liked about this birth center.  But it also made it difficult since I was overdue as I was on an ob's time clock and felt very pressured to have Kate asap.  We had an ultrasound to check on her at the ob's office and since everything was great...it bought me a few more days.  The midwives set Friday (Monday was 42 weeks) as a "labor start" day if I didn't have her before then because they couldn't let me go any longer.

Friday morning, I woke up feeling crampy...my back hurt...and I had a bloody show.  I was thankful to see that my body was cooperating with everyone else's timeline, and we took our time going in to the birth center for the "labor start."  We got to the birth center and met a really sweet friend of a friend, Emily, who picked up Henry for us and took such great care of him (even took him to a fire station...he didn't miss us at all!).  The midwives wanted me on the monitor for a hour to check on Kate since we were post-term, and they also checked me at that time (3 cm).  I wasn't hurting at this point at all so I was just laying on the bed talking to Shaun and sipping on the grape juice with crushed ice that they brought me (yummy!!  my fav drink...has to be welch's though!!).  After a hour on the monitors, the midwife (she was a CNM) came back and checked me and I was now 4 cm and Kate looked great on the monitors.  Since they wanted me to have my baby for sure that day, they asked if they could break my water (I don't think I really had a choice at almost 42 weeks!) and I agreed.  After a little bit more monitoring, they sent us off to walk and to get lunch (I had to wear a depends as anyone who has ever had their water broken knows it just keeps coming).  Traffic was horrible and we had to be back in a hour so we had a quick lunch at chip.otle (yum), and there was no time for a walk.  The midwife checked me again when I got back, and I was 4 1/2 cm.  So I progressed 1/2 cm in a hour.  Well at this point I was feeling very discouraged as I could tell active labor really hadn't fully kicked in as my contractions were not getting stronger, and I knew I was on a serious time clock with having my water broken.  They told us to go downstairs to the birth room (which is a huge ridiculously nice bedroom/bathroom with comfy furniture and built in speakers for music and a giant bathtup :) to get settled in for the day.  Once in the birth room, a different midwife came in to talk to us.  Let's just say that this pep talk was NOT helpful at all and that Ina May is soooo right about how emotions/negative words etc can stop labor.  To quote the midwife, "Courtney 1/2 cm in a hour...we are not impressed...we can only give you a few more hours before you are going to have to get transferred to the hospital."  She instructed us to do nipple stimulation for 30 minutes to get labor going and mentioned that it works for almost all of their past due labor starts to get a labor pattern going.  Shaun knew I was upset.  He was upset.  She was really rude (or came across that way to us), and we were pretty surprised.  Shaun tried to make me feel better by saying that maybe she was just trying to get me fired up, but it was too late...the damage was done.  I knew I had to let go of everything that just went on and all of the pressure I felt to labor so we put on my labor music playlist and got in some comfortable clothes/lit the labor candles and well...had our session :).  We laughed for awhile about how absolutely crazy it was but then it just felt normal and was a very special intimate time for us to be alone and to get to talk about this new exciting chapter in our lives. I'm sure there was some oxytocin involved but I didn't have a single.contraction....not one.  Nothing.  So I knew when the midwives came to check in on us that there would be no change.  Kate was still high in my pelvis so they got me to do some deep squats.  It was encouraging to hear that once her head was down during a squat that I was six centimeters, but we needed some stronger contractions to get her head down on to my cervix.  At this point, we were given two options.  We could try a half dose of cyto.tec there, or we could go to the hospital for pitocin.  I obviously didn't like either of these ideas, but I knew I had to pick one as my water was broken.  Shaun asked if we could take some time to go power walk around the park next to the birth center before making the decision.  We walked....and I had a few contractions but again nothing.  At this point, I was soooo done emotionally.  I think I cursed a few times and then had a big talk at the bathroom sink with God where I just gave it all to Him.  I was really concerned about using cyto.tec because of the fda warnings that I had read, but we talked it over with the midwives and felt comfortable as they only use a very small dosage and then they actually half that pill before they insert it.  But if that didn't work, we already decided that we weren't going to do a second dosage of cyto.tec and were going to go to the hospital.  The labor assistant got me on the belts (yes they have the ability to monitor just like the hospital), and I had to lay in the bed for 30 minutes for the pill to dissolve vaginally.  At about ten minutes in, I started to feel crampy again.  I think this might have just been my own body starting to kick in again as the labor assistant said that it shouldn't work that quickly.  And then a little after 5:00 PM, I had my first big contraction and knew that I had to get out of that bed asap.  They wanted to make sure to have a good strip on the monitors, and I understood that....but there was NO way I was staying in that bed.   Labor is 100X more painful when you are laying in bed.  I consider it torture.  Next contraction came, and I jumped out of the bed and leaned over.  I knew they could still monitor me in that position so I didn't hesitate for a second.  Shaun asked me what massage lotion I wanted, and I was already annoyed at having to answer a question so I knew that I was for real in labor then :).  He massaged my lower back, which is what I liked during Henry's labor and what felt the best this time too.  These contractions were very powerful, and I had a difficult time working with them as they came out of nowhere.  We didn't have a slow buildup to get into a rhythm together so I was just having to go with it and Shaun was too :).  Only after a few contractions, the midwife (this is NOT the midwife who was rude...thank goodness) checked me again and said that baby's head had already moved all the way down.  Everyone was very relieved.  I decided that the contractions were feeling like they were working way too fast so I got on hands and knees on the bed.  At this point, I looked over to the sweet labor assistant and asked "how soon can I get in the tub??"  She said that it would take ten minutes to fill the tub, and she went right away to start filling it up.  Ten minutes sounded like a really long time to fill up a tub at the time :).  Contractions at this point were probably coming every 2-3 minutes.  I wasn't getting much of a break at all.  The labor assistant came to tell me that the tub was ready, and I think I ran to the tub while taking off my nightgown.  Modesty was gone.  There was only one thing on my mind at that time and that was focusing on getting this sweet baby out.  And oh that tub felt amazing.  They call it the midwife's epidural...and it was for sure.  I felt so much better in the water especially between contractions.  I wasn't really sure what position to get into in the tub at first.  The labor assistant (I'm going to call her D from now on) said that some moms like to lay all the way back into the water.  I tried that position but then immediately went into a kneeling position because it felt so much better.  Shaun was continuing to massage my back and encouraging me while putting cold rags around my neck.  I was really hot at this point (nearing transition) so the washcloths felt great.  I remember thinking to myself in the tub and then saying out loud "this has to be transition right??!!"  "I need to know how much longer this is going to be?"  They always replied back with there is no way to know without checking you, but you are probably getting close.  I was a very vocal laborer which surprised me but I felt so comfortable with Shaun, D, and midwife that I just let it all hang out.  Shaun said that some times when a contraction first started I would let out a little high pitch noise while tensing but then he would remind me to make "birth sounds" and "that's it...let it out."  I remember being surprised and amused that he was telling me that but it really was helpful to be reminded (making lower groans etc is better for labor...high pitch means you are tensing)...he really has soaked up a lot of labor knowledge over the last two years :).  I thought a lot during labor about the three women that I had supported through labor and how strong they all were and that inspired me to keep going.  I also prayed outloud a few times.  D kept telling me to blow out breaths when she could see me tensing too much during contractions, and this really, really helped and felt good.  And then D did the double hip squeeze on me, and I could not believe how good it felt!!  It seriously almost took all of the pain away.  Shaun attempted the next contraction but I ended up asking D to please do it again :).  There was a point when that was no longer helpful (probably after 4 contractionsish), and it felt better to have them help me sway my hips back and forth.  All that I have talked about so far was probably 45 minutes or less.  And then I had my "transition moment" (almost every woman has it and from a doula perspective you always know it is a good sign).  I said, "this was a BIG mistake!!"...and I didn't mean the cyto.tec (as Shaun thought I meant)...I meant natural childbirth, birth center, being a doula etc etc.  All of a sudden...I felt like I had to go poo right away so I told them, and they took me over to the toilet.  It was a little more difficult than I expected to poo but I was able to, and I knew this meant baby was probably coming soon.  I buried my head into Shaun during the contractions on the toilet, and he held me tight which felt really good.  The hardest contraction I ever had was going from the toilet back to the tub.  I collapsed into Shaun and didn't know what to do with all of the pressure I was feeling while standing so I started doing horse lips, which helped tremendously.  I remembered later that this was a Ina May Gaskin trick that I had read about, but I think I actually did it instinctively.  Got back in the tub which felt so much better for probably only one or two more contractions when I felt that I needed to go poo again.  I again knew in my head that this was a good thing but still wasn't sure how much longer I had left and was sad that I had to get out of the tub again.  Midwife applied some pressure to help me go and also moved the little lip of cervix that was left, and they also encouraged me to bear down a little with the contractions which felt nice.  A little funny...Shaun kept flushing the toilet with me still on it...I was NOT a fan and had to tell him to stop.  I think D and midwife thought that was funny :).  And then I felt something unbelievable....my body was literally all of a sudden pushing my baby out.  There was no stopping my body from doing what it needed to do at this point.  I had two options...I could just ride it out and feel my body pushing or I could bear down a little to help.  I think I just rode out the first push because I was so surprised at how it felt.  I told the midwife that I was pushing, and she encouraged me to bear down on the next one.  This part for me felt way better than those transition contractions.  It actually felt good to bear down!  After that first sensation of my body pushing, I had what is called the "rest and be thankful phase."  I knew in my head that it was my rest phase when I had enough time between contractions to walk from the toilet to the bed :).  I squatted next to the bed and pushed for one contraction and could tell that her head was almost out.  I hopped onto the bed on hands and knees and felt like that was the position that I needed to be in, but the midwife told me to turn around into a sitting upright position.  I should have told her no :) (because I ended up tearing and I don't think I would have had the same tear in h&k) but at this point I was just doing as I was told because I had no idea what to expect.  The next contraction came, and I remember the midwife telling me not to bear down anymore and out she came :).  Born at 6:18 pm...just a little over a hour labor...8 lbs 8 ounces!  Shaun caught Kate and lifted her up on to my bare chest.  I could try to put into words what this moment felt like, but it is impossible to describe.  It didn't hurt at all... just a very warm and beautiful feeling.  I felt relief and immediate love.  She was absolutely gorgeous and wide awake.  I couldn't believe how much she looked like Henry when he was born.  And then the most wonderful thing happened...no one took my baby away from me.  I got to keep her and soak her up skin to skin, which made delivering the placenta/getting stitched etc so pleasant.  I was laying down to get stitched and decided to put Kate up to my breast to see if she wanted to nurse.  She self-latched immediately (probably three seconds!), and we couldn't believe it!  She was also pushing off the bed using her crawling reflex that babies without anesthesia have when they are born.  Amazing!  I could not get over how good I felt after the birth.  I had of course read about all of the hormones/endorphins etc that rush into your body after natural childbirth but literally couldn't get over how good I felt.  I've never been that relaxed in all of my life!!  I kept saying to the midwife and D, "I can't believe how great I feel."  I could tell they hear that often :).  Shaun and I couldn't get over how wonderful of an experience this birth was for us.  D got a fresh warm bath ready for me and brought my candles over to the bath.  She seriously thought of everything.  She made sure we had everything we needed to have a great experience.  I got in to the tub by myself for a few minutes and then Shaun brought Kate back to me into the bath to nurse some more.  Kate was very alert for probably close to two hours, and she nursed most of that time :).  It was so wonderful to be able to soak her up and to look into her sweet eyes.  What a miracle...God is so good.

We moved to Texas!!

So if you aren't friends with me in "real life" then I seriously left you hanging with my last post (so sorry about that!).  Life has been crazy!!!!  At the time that I last wrote, I was in the middle of my 39th week of pregnancy, and we had just decided to take a job offer in d.allas, texas that would require us to leave town in a few days.  So at two days before my due date, we packed up our van with everything we could possibly need for the first few months and headed west to Texas.  We found a birth center who would take us in at the last minute (literally as my first appointment with them was ON my due date), and we stayed in several different hotels that first week and half waiting for our cor.porate furnished apartment to be ready.  We were also waiting for Miss Kate who was apparently not ready to join us.  It was a difficult and fun two weeks with a lot of ups and downs and A LOT of crying from me.  I will be the first to admit that I did not handle going over my due date well at all.  I felt a ton of pressure to go into labor before Shaun started work, and it was hard waiting.  A huge blessing though (God's timing is perfect!) is that we were able to get settled into our apartment before Kate came, and just the three of us were able to do all kinds of fun things to begin to learn our new city.  And we ate soooo goood....thanks to per diem for eating out all week!!  This was of course a very welcome change from not eating out at all and trying to eat incredibly cheap while Shaun didn't have a job.  We loved getting to show Henry all kinds of new things, and he absolutely adored staying in a hotel etc.  Birth story and pics of Kate coming soon...Here are a few pics from our first week in Texas:

Van LOADED down

Henry is saying "Texas!!"

The zoo here is sooo fun!

Record breaking heat wave in Texas....enough said.

Henry checking out the penguins...my fav!!

Finally some good food!!

Aunt Sarah came for the first three days of Shaun's job and moved us into our apt and took care of Henry
....couldn't have done it without her!!

      

So much to say...

There is SO much that I want to blog about right now....lots of news....but I can't make it public yet (hopefully soon!!).  Okay wish I could say more.

I'm 39 weeks now...due date is MONDAY!!!  I'm actually anticipating going past my due date though as I wasn't progressed at all at my friday checkup.  I will have another dr appt on Thursday morning but honestly not expecting much news from that either.  Since I'm not going to be electively induced, I just get to be a patient mama and wait on when miss sweet kate is ready to show her pretty face.  I was induced with Henry at 39 weeks 3 days, which would be like having Kate today...wow!  Makes me realize how close I am to getting to hold her (so exciting!).  Please pray for a happy and healthy delivery....the last three months have been SO crazy around here that I'm hoping that this birth can be calm and normal :).

Remember how I said how badly I wanted maternity pics and how sad I was that we wanted be able to get them because of $$$ with Shaun's job loss??!!  Well just an example of how God provides...my friend is a photographer, and she asked me if we would be willing to get our pictures taken by some photographers for use for their portfolios.  Well we got there, and I think there was seriously like six or more photographers taking pictures of us.  I want to post some on here but want to make sure that I use the right format with their logo that they want so for now I can only post a link to one of the photographers blogs with a pic of me :).

Also a little update on my sweet boy.  Henry is almost two!!!!  He is talking in sentences now and is seriously cracking us up with the stuff that he says.  He talks pretty clearly but some of his words he can't say exactly right, and they are my favs...helipopter, waccles (waffles), pee woo (instead of pee you for smelly), Chomas (Thomas the train).  We have also been amazed by how much Henry loves to sing and how he can really keep a tune.  He has always been very auditory but lately it has become even more clear how much we pays attention to sound.  One of my favorite things to do now is to leave out words in a book or song, and he tries to fill in the blanks.  I've been surprised what he actually has memorized :).  One of the sweet things that he does that melts our hearts every time is that when we tuck him in at night, he waits for us to close the door and then he yells as loud as he can "I yove you mama!!"  "I yove you dada!!"  I don't think it gets much better than that :).  This is definitely a challenging age as he thinks he is capable of doing so much more than he can (independence is kicking in!!), and he is sooooo destructive and non-stop....but it is also such a sweet and cute age.  He is growing up too fast...sigh.  And he is going to be a big brother soon (oh I can already tell I'm going to be an emotional wreck after Kate is born :).  

Packing our bags :)...

You know you are getting close when it is time to pack your bags for the hospital and install the carseat in the car!  We are nesting this weekend so little tiny pink things are getting washed (oh so much fun!!) and everything is getting setup around the house.  Definitely making things feel more real!  I'm so excited to meet my sweetie pie that I can hardly stand it.  I can wait to hold her!  But I'm not wishing for delivery this week (37 weeks) as I did with Henry because there is still a lot to do before she comes.  I'm going to try to be patient as I can be this time :). 

Wanted to give y'all an update on my ob appt on Wednesday.  I will admit it was pretty emotional for me meeting a new doctor at 36 weeks, and I didn't love everything she said.  But the good news is that she had no issues with anything on my birth plan, and she said that the l&d nurses will already know that she is okay with the things I have listed on my birth plan (but it will be in my chart also) so I shouldn't have any problems with them (not that I would anticipate ANY issues with them because I already know a lot of them and they are wonderful).  We talked specifically about each item, but I won't bore y'all with that much detail.

I thought I would post what I'm packing this time in my labor bag especially since it would be fun to compare to last time (makes me a little nauseous when I read those blog posts from last time...definitely learned a lot about trusting my body and labor in the last two years).  By far the biggest bag for me will be the one that we will carry in with us when I'm in labor...my labor bag (We will leave the postpartum bag and the diaper bag in the car until after delivery).  It is really my doula bag of tricks and comfort measures :) with some added personal items for me.  I am all about setting up a home environment (as much as possible) in the hospital room.  Things like low lights, music etc really made a difference for me with Henry's labor so I try to setup a similar environment for my doula clients (if we have time!).  I also think it helps the nurses/hospital staff/doctors etc to respect the moms space when they enter the room, and it is always fun to see their reaction (they can tell something special is going on in the room).  So here is what is in my labor bag!

Labor Bag for Hospital—
-Ponytail holders
-Music (jim brickman piano "faith" cd and then I will also have a playlist on my ipod with portable speakers of my favorite slow/sappy songs...lots of country music...stuff like "remember when" -alan jackson)
-Laptop (this might not end up coming in until after delivery)
-Chargers for laptop and cameras and phones
-Video camera
-Flip Flops
-Socks
-Swimming suit...(probably won't wear the bottoms...this is for the bathtub/shower)...one for shaun too.
-Birth Ball!! (a must have...I would be sooooo upset if I didn't have my ball)
-Comfy blanket (just to wrap around me if I want it...NOT to lay down :)
-Led candles (4)--I like to put two in the bathroom so moms don't have to turn the big lights on when they need to go in there and then two/three more around the room so that we can turn the overheads off
-Sound machine for bathroom (tiny little battery operated sound machine that I put on the sink counter behind a candle with water sounds)
-Nice handsoap for bathroom
-Nice toilet paper for bathroom
-Small water fountain (this might end up next to the bathtub because there is a large area at my hospital...it is battery operated too)
-Focal points—ultrasound pic of kate in frame, newborn pink shoes -Happy for l&d nurse (I have a super cute little container for this...just going to be some yummy chocolates with a sweet note)
-Bath pillow ( have this one from homedics...it vibrates!)
-Kneel pad for doula/shaun
-dum dum suckers
-Ziploc of massage oils/lotions
-Freezer Ziploc bags for putting ice chips and washcloths in so that they are cold for transition
-Battery operated fans (2)
-Extra double A batteries
-The Birth Partner book
-Warm compresses (I love these...I have two of them so I can change them out without taking it away from mom...especially great for back labor while mom is in hands/knees position or for wearing around back or lower belly while on ball....the handles are also great for if mom wants to stand and rock side to side while pulling on the straps for some pressure on the back).
-Instant hot/cold packs
-Birth ball pump (in case it needs some air!)
-Bendy straws for gatorade!

Will also have a seperate little cooler bag with ice with gatorades and quick energy snacks for me and shaun and my doula :). 

So that is what is in my labor bag...did I forget anything??!!

The Birth Plan...

Some of you have been curious about what I have in my birth plan so I thought I would just go ahead and post it.  A lot of the requests that I make in my birth plan are standard procedure in some areas of the country but not where I live so I have to include them :).  If you are currently pregnant and thinking that you don't need a birth plan, you might want to reconsider.  Making a birth plan gives you the opportunity to research what you and your hubby want for your birth, and it is a great way to talk to your ob about your birth preferences at your prenatals.  You can learn A LOT about an ob by how they react to your birth plan.  If they immediately start acting defensive, using scare tactics (like talking about dead babies) and telling you what they are not going to do before you even get to talk about your birth preferences, then you might want to look into finding another OB.  As a doula, I hear a lot of negative reactions to birth plans by OBs that really surprise me.  They usually say something like "I don't want you to make a birth plan because I don't want you to be disappointed if it doesn't work out that way" or "Birth is so unpredictable.. there is no need to make a plan because it won't turn out the way you planned."  While it is absolutely true that birth is unpredictable, there is nothing wrong with having a plan and making educated choices.  I could go on and on about this but since this isn't a doula blog...I will just get off my soap box and post my birth plan.  Feel free to ask me any questions about it!  And feel free to copy it :)!

Birth Plan

Mother:  Courtney ******
Father:  Shaun ******Doula:  Maddy ****

All of the below preferences are given with the understanding that medical emergencies can occur.  We will of course be completely flexible in the event of an emergency.

First Stage of Labor:
-No IV just Heplock
-Intermittent monitoring for more range of movement and the use of the shower/tub
-Dimmed lighting
-Limited vaginal checks
-NO pitocin or artificial rupture of membranes
-No pain medication unless requested…please don’t offer medication

Second Stage of Labor:
-Would like to “labor down” until the urge to push is felt
-Spontaneous pushing
-Push and deliver in side lying/squatting/hands and knees positions
-No episiotomy

After Birth:
-Delayed cord clamping…please wait until the cord is no longer pulsating
-No afterbirth shot of pitocin…would prefer immediate breastfeeding and to only use if needed
-Natural delivery of the placenta
-Extended skin to skin contact with mother
-Suctioning/warming/cleaning baby/apgar scores etc while held by mother (skin to skin with warm blanket)
-No eye treatment
-Breastfeeding immediately after delivery
-In-room transition

 Nursery:
-Breastmilk only
-No vaccinations
-Pacifier is fine
-No formula or sugar water

A little update :)

Just wanted to let y'all know that I did find a new ob that I'm hoping I'm going to like very much.  My first appt with her is this wednesday afternoon (36 weeks!!!) so I'm looking forward to meeting her.  My friend gave me a really great idea that I honestly had not even thought about doing until she mentioned it.  This is one of those tips that I know I will be using for doula clients in the future.  She knows a l&d nurse at the very mom/baby/natural childbirth friendly hospital that I want to go to so she asked her for an ob recommendation.  I also decided to just call l&d to talk to one of the nurses that I had with a doula client who was really sweet and very supportive of natural childbirth.  Unfortunately, she only works on the weekends, but I ended up having a great talk with one of the nurses there who gave the same recommendation.  She told me exactly what I wanted to hear that this ob "really listens to her patients" that she "wants the birth that her patients want" that she is a "patient advocate who is very supportive of natural childbirth" and that "we all love here here."  It speaks volumes to me when the l&d nurses love the ob because they see the behind the scenes so I feel really great about going with their recommendation.  We are back in town so it is time for some serious nesting!!  Here is my to-do list to be completed in one week (eek!!).  I want all of this done by 37 weeks just in case I get suprised by an earlier labor!
1.  Put up the crib in our room (a friend is letting us borrow one and we got to paint it pink!)...wash bedding and setup bed.
2.  Wash carseat cover, swing cover, and bouncy seat cover
3.  Install carseat base in van (shaun)
4.  Paint changing table pink (another friend is letting us use theirs too and we get to paint it pink too)-shaun will do this for me too :)
5.  Buy newborn diapers and sensitive wipes and a changing pad cover and setup changing table
6.  Wash and fold newborn clothes (yay!!!)
7.  Pack labor bag and hospital bag (will do a post later about what I'm packing in my labor bag)
8.  Birth playlist for music during labor
9.  Buy snacks and juice for labor
10.  Thank you notes!
Okay I think that is everything.  I just have to remind myself that all we really need is a few gowns, lots of newborn diapers/wipes, my boobs, receiving blankets, nursing pads and burp cloths for those first few weeks anyways :).  Now I better go start on this list while I still have a little energy!    

35 weeks and an update!

It is absolutely unbelievable to me how fast the weeks are going by right now!  I can't believe we are only two weeks away from full-term :) (although I bet I will still be going into labor closer to my due date).  It is starting to feel more and more real that I'm about to get to meet this sweet baby girl, and I couldn't be more excited!  I can't wait to labor....can't wait to hold her...can't wait to see her....can't wait to feel her soft skin.  My belly must be huge because I'm getting stopped now everywhere I go and everyone that talks to me thinks that I'm due any day.  Their eyes get huge when I tell them that I'm due at the end of July :).  I wonder what the reactions will be when I'm actually out in public at the end of july :).  Oh my...I can only imagine.  I'm definitely at the uncomfortable stage now, but I'm still treasuring every moment as I really love, love being pregnant.

I'm hoping to post a few more blog posts this week with pics (including a few bump photos) and an update on my sweet Henry (almost 2...wow!!!!) since I have some time as we are here at my parent's house in AL to recharge for a few days.  I really appreciate all of the kind and encouraging words on my last post.  It has been a very hard month as you can imagine, but God is so good.  He has provided all of our needs (and more!), and we are so very encouraged.  We are constantly blown away by the generosity of our friends, church family, and family.  We have already learned so much through this experience.  Every plan that I had in place (and I had a lot!)  at the beginning of May has totally changed.  In fact, the one little plan that I was soooo happy to still have in place (my dr)...just changed today.  Today (on a Sunday afternoon...imagine how surprised I was to get this call) my dr called me to let me know that she was part of a large l.ayoff this past week.  I have the option to be "transferred" to a random ob that I know nothing about, but I'm really not willing to do that for obvious reasons so I'm going to have to do my research and pray that I'm able to find a good natural childbirth friendly doctor with decent backups.  I'm really sad because I really liked my dr.  She really listened to what we desire for our birth, and we both made sure that we were on the same page with my birth plan.  I'm honestly not asking for much in my birth plan (will post it soon), but you would be surprised how hard it is to find an ob in my area who is willing to even let you go a day/week past your due date or to just have a heplock instead of an IV or to have intermittent monitoring (as the ACOG actually recommends for low-risk l&d).  All of these things and a few more on my birth plan are completely standard and can be backed by medical research that they are best for mom and baby. 

So literally every single plan from big to small that I have made in the last few months has changed.  But there is peace in knowing that God does have a plan and that He is in control.  Will keep y'all updated :).         

Dear Baby Kate

Dear Sweet Kate,
I can tell you are getting so much bigger now.  Your movements are getting really strong, and my belly is getting huge.  I can't believe we are going to be meeting you in ten weeksish or less...wow!!  And I still can't believe you are a girl.  We are going to have so much fun together.  I can't wait for all of the pink and playing kitchen and princesses :). 

I had lots of plans for the last two months of this pregnancy.  I was planning on moving your brother to another room and making a very pink and girly nursery for you. I was planning on getting all fixed up and taking some much needed belly shots (I really hope to still do this but we will have to see).  But everything changed about a week ago when your daddy lost his job out of nowhere.  This has been one of the hardest (if not the hardest) weeks of our lives.  We've had to make some very difficult decisions including putting our house on the market.  And so I sit at 30 weeks pregnant with you, and I have no idea where I'm bringing you home to?!  My emotions have been all over the place and so have your daddy's, but we know that God is faithful (you and Henry are testaments to that!) and that gives us a lot of comfort.  When I'm having a "moment," you sometimes will give me a nice kick, which turns my tears into smiles.  Shaun and I have talked so much about how grateful we are that we have you and Henry.  We couldn't imagine going through this without y'all to make us smile and to help us remember what really is important.  Kate, you are such a blessing already in our lives.  We love you so much!!  It really doesn't matter if you have a fancy going home outfit or a pink nursery...you aren't really going to care are you?  Well then I'm not going to either.  Can't wait to hold you tight and to take care of you and to give you a million kisses. 
Love you,
Mommy

Can I get it all in one post??!!

I have so missed blogging.  I find myself blogging in my head sometimes when I'm running around cleaning the house or cooking etc.  I think the main reason why blogging has taken a back seat lately is that I'm napping during the time that I used to blog (henry's naptime).  I really thought the naps would stop after the first trimester, but I've still needed them so I've tried not to let myself feel too guilty about taking a nap.  I'm also usually completely in veg out mode after Henry goes to bed at night.  It takes a lot of physical energy to run/waddle after a 20 month old all day!  Today I heard from several of you via email and comments and just hearing from my bloggy friends encouraged me to come spend some time at the computer tonight.  Thanks for making me feel loved girls!  So here is my attempt at trying to fit a lot of updates into one post!

Pregnancy update!- I'm 27 weeks along and my belly is definitely showing it :).  I really need to take some belly shots so I will just have to do a photo post soon with a bump photo and some update pics of hen hen.  I still can't believe that I'm having a girl!  And it really still doesn't even feel completely real that I'm having another baby.  I feel so blessed and so grateful to God for this precious sweet baby girl.  After all that we have been through in the past, I just can't help but want to soak up every second of this pregnancy.  I really love being pregnant.  I wish I had a pause button so I could really soak it up like I want to!  Staying busy with Henry has made this pregnancy go by way too fast.  I am starting to get to the uncomfortable stage where sleep is starting to be difficult at night, and I'm having the same severe rib cage pain that I had with Henry.  If you read back in the pregnancy days with Henry, then you might remember that I started having regular contractions at 27-28 wks that landed me on bedrest for six weeks.  They have started back again but given that I went full term with Henry, I'm just counting on them being from my "irritable uterus" unless they become more strong or really regular etc.  I recently have changed OBs so that I can deliver in a very natural childbirth friendly hospital here in town.  I just had a doula client deliver there, and it made me soooo excited to be in such a supportive and welcoming enviroment (definitely an answer to this doula's prayers).  Can't wait to go back there in a few months to meet our sweet baby Kate!

Doula update--It is hard to blog about being a doula because I just can't say very many details about the births for my client's privacy!  I can say that I have had three births so far (that should be it until after my break although I really want to add one more) and that they have all been completely different but equally beautiful.  I have loved every second of being a doula.  Who would have ever thought that I would have gone from having a lump in my throat at the sight of a pregnant woman to supporting a couple through labor and delivery??  I really feel like I need to write a separate post about this because I have a lot to say, but this is just one more area in my life that has caused me to actually be grateful for infertility.  God definitely taught me through infertility and loss to appreciate the miracle of life.  As the title of Ina May Gaskin's new book puts it..."birth matters," and to pretend as though we can take control of the process by scheduling every single delivery (as is almost the case in my city) or discouraging movement in labor etc etc without any risks to mom or baby has me very concerned  So without starting into a very long post of its own...I feel very called to be a doula, and I'm just going to have to blog more about some of my thoughts on the subject soon!

Henry update!--Oh my sweet boy.  This age is too cute.  Again where is the pause button??  Henry is talking up a storm, and his personality cracks us up.  He is such a joy and brings so much laughter into our home.  I absolutely adore the way he says some things.  Right now he loves saying "uh oh fall doooown"...it could be from a tantrum or just because he feels like laying down at the time but either way it makes me giggle every time.  Obviously impossible to descirbe on the blog but just take my word for it that it is cute!  I just want to go sneak in his room right now and scoop him up.  Everyone tells me that he is going to look huge when we get home with Kate...makes me sad to think that he is growing up so fast.

Okay so I got it all in one post!  Definitely more to come...hopefully more frequent but shorter posts!

It's a...

Hello sweet blogger friends!  Sorry I've been MIA and so sweet of some of y'all to check on me :).  See below post update below on Henry and why it has been so long since I have posted.  Way past time for a pregnancy update.  This pregnancy is flying!!  Unbelievable how fast it is going...almost to the point where I wish I could stop time for a second to just enjoy this moment.  Given our infertility history, pregnancy is an especially sweet time for me. I just love every second of it!  And I've also been blessed by easy pregnancies both times especially this time.  I'm 19 weeks pregnant, and I wouldn't know it if it wasn't for the sweet baby kicks I'm feeling now and my growing bump....and the need for naps and reflux issues :).  I feel bad blogging because I know so many who are still waiting for their precious miracles whether through adoption or attempting treatments, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad.  I haven't forgotten for a second the pain of infertility and the daily struggle of walking through it. 

At our most recent dr appt (18 weeks)...we had our big ultrasound!  And we found out that our sweet baby is a.....




GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I can't believe it!!  I really thought I would be a mom to a bunch of boys :).  I'm the youngest of four with three brothers...shaun has three brothers and there is one granddaughter and seven grandsons on my side!  lots and lots of boys and blue.  So everyone is excited for some pink, bows, baby dolls, dresses, tutus etc etc etc :) :) :)!!!!

Honestly, I feel like I'm in a dream right now and that someone needs to pinch me and wake up.  I feel so blessed to have such a sweet little boy and now a girl.  I've only known for a week now and with all of the sickness in our family, I haven't even had time to look at girl stuff and plan and dream and really believe that I'm having a girl.  We had a great report that she looks healthy and that everything so far is going well which is of course what is most important to us.  I don't want y'all to think I didn't want a boy...I really didn't care either way!  I was actually super excited about having two boys and had the cutest name picked out :). 

So now we have to name her!  We really love the name Kate so I think that will be the name, but Shaun wants to go through the entire baby name book before we decide for sure.  Now the challenge is to come up with a middle name....Kate (insert three syllable name here??) two syllable last name.  Comment if you have any ideas :).     

Here are some sweet pics of miss precious :)

baby feet

sweet button nose

She had her two hands together by her cheek and I said that looked "girly" before I knew she was a girl :)

sweet profile shot

18 wk bump...actually much bigger now :)

18 Month Update

It has been way too long!  I've been a horrible little blogger lately.  I really hope to get better at posting more often soon so if anyone is still out there reading...thanks for still following along :).  The first few months of 2011 are flying by with keeping up with my busy little guy, napping during henry's naps (my former blog time), enjoying this sweet baby and pregnancy, doula clients, and lots of sickness!!!  We are all well right now, and I pray that it stays that way for some time...we need a break.  But so thankful that all we've had to deal with are things like stomach bugs, colds etc and nothing more serious. 

Now to talk about my little man :)...there is so much to say that it is hard to know what to even include in this blog post.  I have found 18 months old (he's almost 19 mo now...eek!) to be the perfect combination of the cutest/sweetest age mixed with the most challenging age yet!  Let me explain. 

First the cute....Henry is talking up a storm and everything that comes out of his mouth is about as cute as it gets.  He is also showing quite the little personality lately with the way he interacts with us, and it is just adorable.  For instance, he will say "oh no" while holding his cheeks and just yesterday he struck this little pose while asking if he could see pictures of babies that had me laughing so hard (it is hard to describe but put your chin on the top of your shoulder and you might be able to tell what I'm talking about).  The other day at the bookstore, Henry saw two cute little toddler sisters and turned on the charm big time with a cute dimple smile and said "hey girls!" really loud.  He just never stops amazing us at the stuff he comes up with every day.  One of his favorite things to do righ now is to make "a mess."  He will go around the house looking for how he can make a mess while mommy cleans.  As much as we sing the cleanup song, and I try to demonstrate putting away toys etc...he has absolutely no interest....he just wants to make a mess.  And so I will hear him around the house saying "oh no!  a mess" or just "a mess!!"  Henry loves all things boy...his favorties right now are still choo choos but he is also getting more and more into "race cars."  I can't believe how much he can distinguish between vehicles/construction equipment...he will see a jeep, sports car, race car, backhoe, crane, fire truck etc and tell me what he is seeing.  It is so fun to see his little brain just soak up as much information as he can.  He has also started singing some of the songs we sing like twinkle twinkle, row row, splish splash, old mcdonald, shake your booty....is there a sweeter sound??  He can even him the thomas the train theme song!  Henry also loves to talk about what belongs to who like "mama's shirt, dada's pants, papa's trucks"  We will even be going down the road, and he will say "samuel's shirt" (his cousin) or "micah's shirt (his friend).  Naps are finally wonderful.....woooohooo!  He goes down at noon and takes usually a 2 hr nap (even a 3 hr the other day!!).  He also is getting better about not being as cranky when he wakes in the morning or from his nap...he will cry for just a minute and then he will yell for me as loud as he can so I hear him across the house "mama!!."  I love waking up to that ;).  So now sleep gets to be in the cute category for Henry...if y'all have followed me from the beginning...I bet y'all are all shocked...me too :).

Now for the challenging part...I've heard that some toddlers start the twos a little early, and I think that is the case for our sweet Henry.  I've wondered if maybe because he is talking so much that might be why he is starting so soon.  Tantrums are very frequent at our house right now.  It could be he couldn't get a toy to work like he thinks it should or that I didn't do something they way he wanted etc.  The funny thing about Henry is that he gives us a pre-warning of his tantrum by saying "uh oh" and then he proceeds to throw himself on the floor.  I ignore the tantrums for the most part and just walk away because I've heard that is the best way to teach them that they don't work.  I don't think that he is trying to throw the tantrum to get me to change his mind...it is more of an involuntary response of his body to the frustration he is feeling so I almost feel sorry for him.  I have really come to accept that this is just part of being 18 months.  He thinks he is capable of doing so much more than he actually is so it is very frustrating for him and as a mom there is very little that I can do to reason with him logically at this age which also makes it challenging.  I really just recognize this as a stage, but it does make for some long days sometimes.  Another issue we have with our sweet Henry is some very aggressive behavior...pinching, pulling hair, biting etc.  And I'm going to vent for a second because this is one of the reasons I like to blog :).  This is probably the most challenging issue I've faced yet with behavior with Henry because it involves others.  It makes me so upset that he would hurt other children and me and his daddy but at the same time it is hard to deal with being told your son is so awful all of the time.  It starts to really get to a mama when every time I pick him up from nursery/mother's morning out etc...I get a report on how my little guy has "beat up" on all the kids in the nursery (and yes Henry I know you are laughing about this if you are reading this twenty years from now :).  I get all of the advice at the nursery door about saying no, time outs, spanking etc, and it just gets hard to hear.  I'm glad that they are giving him timeout and being consistent and that some kids are scratching him back etc because that is how he is going to learn.  But I'm being consistent at home too!!!  Just because your child has a behavioral problem does not mean the mama is at fault :).  I got so sick of it on Sunday that I told the nursery worker (who was a fill-in so it wasn't the nursery worker that Henry and I love and know well) that "well I guess you will understand one day when he is a nfl football player."  How hillarious is it that I said that?  I'm so hormonal right now that sometimes things just come out of my mouth especially when they are talking about my baby :).  I also get it from other mamas too.  And yes I know it is not fun to see your child to be pinched etc, but if you don't like it then remove your child from the situation.  Moms need breaks too, and I can't watch Henry every second when we are at a social function.

But the good news is that the cuteness far outweighs the challenges!  So blessed to have my sweet little guy, and I'm so enjoying this time with just him.  He really is about as precious as they come :)

first juice box by myself

so proud!

so happy and cute...and yes I love this shirt on him :)