2011...A Year in Review

Every year since I started blogging, I've taken a little time to write a year summary.  It is always fun to look back on a year to see all that has happened/changed.  I honestly considered not writing a year in the review about 2011.  I'm actually feeling a little nauseous even starting to write this post, and I might delete it once I'm finished (guess I didn't if you are reading this).  2011 was not an easy year. at all.  I'm going to say that it was definitely our hardest yet.  We learned a lot and we had the wonderful blessing of Miss Kate, but it was still a very tough year.  Some of the details especially concerning Shaun's job loss etc, I can't discuss on a public blog, but I will do my best to at least share what we have been through and what God has taught us through it.

Jan-early May- 2011 started out great!  We were enjoying Kate's pregnancy (despite being very tired) and found out to our surprise that we were having a girl.  We loved watching Mr. Henry grow and learn as he began to talk.  And I had started doula training and attended 3 births as a doula that honestly changed my life.  We loved our church and Mississippi, and we were really getting comfy.  We really seemed to put life on cruise control and were living paycheck to paycheck while enjoying eating out and having fun.  I can remember vividly going out on payday to Bonef.ish Grill and even though we shared an entree...we were living it up.  Little did we know that would be our last full paycheck and our last payday for a while.

Some day in early May (I have completely blocked out what day thank goodness), I was busy scrubbing our guest bedroom toilet as we were expecting overnight guests when I received what I thought was going to be my normal "hey honey, I'm on my way home" phone call from Shaun.  I immediately could tell something was wrong, but I couldn't believe it when I heard the words, "I think I might have just been fired."  To say that I was shocked was in understatement.  My immediate thought was okay this can't be happening...I'm sure he is just overreacting and everything is fine, but as I heard more details on how they treated him on his way out, I started to realize that this was for real.  It was one of those moments where you can't catch your breath and your heart is beating out of your chest.  Thankfully our overnight company was wonderful company, and we were in such shock that we could almost go on that night as if nothing happened (we decided not to tell them as we were still very much processing what was going on ourselves).  It felt like my last chance to be normal so I took full advantage of it.  There were moments in the evening where it stung a little, but we were doing okay.  Then it was time for bed.  What is it about bedtime that makes everything feel so much worse?  I guess the lack of distraction.  We didn't sleep.  I was big prego at this point and was so tired from cleaning etc but I just couldn't sleep.  I know there was some praying and talking but for the most part it was just awake silence.  We were feeling so many emotions at once...shocked, angry, betrayed, scared.  I was probably more scared than anything.  Shaun was broken.  The most heartbreaking moment of our marriage so far was watching my husband get ready for "work" to drive down the road to a gas station to wait to save face for our overnight company.  I wish I could explain more what happened with his job but obviously I can't.  What I can say is that my husband is the hardest worker I know and an extremely talented engineer and that he shouldn't have been let go.  Shaun is a company guy.  He doesn't just work for himself to get a paycheck and call it a day.  He works above and beyond to get the job done so that his company is successful.  So the not having a paycheck part wasn't all of it...we took it personally.  It was/has been/is a struggle to not be bitter and angry.  Now that I know how God has used this in our life, it definitely makes it easier to not be bitter but to be honest there are still times when it comes up.  The days to follow were very difficult.  We went from bone.fish to w.ic (living paycheck to paycheck is not a good idea...just fyi) and the medicaid office to try to get insurance for my pregnancy (cobra is sooooo expensive).  Shaun was so strong and God gave him so much grace to handle the situation and to lead me because I was a mess.  I can try to blame it on the pregnancy hormones but I probably would have been the same way regardless.  It honestly felt similar to a death in the family.  I can remember one day early on when it all started to hit me while Henry was taking a nap, and I just cried and cried...it was so ugly and Shaun held me through the whole thing.  I can remember being amazed how fast Shaun would jump up and run to Henry when he fell or got hurt.  I guess he couldn't deal with anymore and was just holding tight to us to make sure we were okay.  Thankfully, we already scheduled a yard sale with some great friends of ours that we were going to do just to make room for baby #2.  Of course, now it was for food to eat and to pay for a mortgage so we sold everything that we could.  It was a few days after our sale that Shaun's job loss became public and our church family and local friends and family really came through for us.  God taught us a lot through the unbelievable generosity of others.  There were anonymous gift cards to grocery stores, a yard sale for us, money, baby gifts, job references, meals...it was so humbling and amazing to see God work through others to bless us and to provide.  We learned a lot about giving through receiving.  I never realized before how difficult it is to receive.  We were able to make each mortgage june, july and august and to pay all bills (except student loans).  We were really amazed.  God also provided many job leads and interviews.  This was so comforting because the job market was/is so rough out there that I was very concerned about how Shaun was going to get another job.  It was practically a full-time job to find a job, but there was still a lot of down time to spend together.  The time that we were able to spend together was special.  But of course there was always an underlying stress, and this led to some difficulty of us getting along many times during the three months without employment.  You know it is bad when you feel guilty for going out to eat at burger king and you only get one drink and split the fries.  Shaun and I both still don't like for Henry to watch "thomas and friends" (good thing he is all about curious george these days) because it literally makes us sick to hear it as it takes us back to that time.  Isn't it weird how smells/sounds etc can do that?  And that old saying "when it rains, it pours" is soooo true.  There was a rough stomach bug, ob drama, a time that I lost my keys in walmart and had to stay there with henry (without a nap) for literally like five hours or so (shaun didn't want to call the locksmith bc it would cost money that we didn't have), and many more stories that we can laugh about now.  I'm sure I looked straight out of the people of walmart blog...30 something weeks pregnant HUGE chugging a 2 quart orange juice in the middle of the store with a toddler in my cart...ha!

Late July-Early August "We are not moving to Dall.as."  I quickly realized that I could say that we weren't all day long but it was obvious that God wanted us to move, and he wanted us to move right away.  I didn't know if I should hope to go into labor or just go on to Dall.as.  The only thing on my brain at that moment was having a baby...how could it not be at 39 weeks pregnant?!  So I googled birth centers...found one that would take me...stared at the gorgeous surroundings and huge tub to labor and started to think "hey maybe this isn't so bad after all?"  this post and this post really explains the craziness of waiting for Kate, but she was well worth the wait and so was the birth experience.  I would love to labor like that again and hope that I get the opportunity to!

August-December- Adjusting to living in a new big city hasn't been easy either but it sure beats unemployment :).  And there is a lot of fun to be had in discovering a new city together as a family.  It has also bonded us together even more as we really have had no one to rely on except God and each other.  It hasn't been pretty at times for Shaun and me...just too much stress.  But I feel like we are becoming a stronger couple for having to work through these rough spots.  This year felt like boot camp for marriage.  Henry and Kate keep it fun :), and I've so enjoyed being at home with them.  Shaun works really long hours with his job so I have to do a lot on my own (the bath time/night time routine is the hardest).  I try to keep things simple for me, Henry and Kate, and I've honestly enjoyed so much the down time with my precious babies.  We've also gone through some rough times this fall as well.  We thought for probably about the entire month of August that Kate had a serious condition that showed up on a newborn screen.  Further testing revealed that the first newborn screen was a false positive and that the second newborn screen came back normal and someone just didn't READ the results correctly.  Oh my.  if they only knew how emotional and stressed I was taking these two kiddos postpartum around the city to get labs on my "sick" newborn.  And then in October, Shaun came home with the crazy news that his job was/is moving to cali.  But God has been so good and has provided another position within the company still here in D.allas that he has accepted so we are thankfully staying.                                      

Are you still with me?  If you are, I'm impressed :).  I'm glad I took the time to write all of this down.  It was good for me to get it out and reflect.  So in summary...some of the lessons learned of 2011:

1.  God is faithful to provide

2.  The money/job isn't ours to begin with...be responsible with the money that God has entrusted us

3.  Bitterness only brings you down...let it go.

4.  Receiving is hard

5.  Be thankful for the health of our family

6.  Don't get comfortable/cruise control through life

7.  God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) but that doesn't mean that it won't be tough to go through it

8.  We are blessed.

And the pic of 2011.....This pic means a lot to me as this was right after Shaun placed Kate on my chest.  It was obviously incredibly special as it was the birth of our sweet baby girl, but it also felt like a new beginning of our life together as a family in Texas.