What made you want to be a doula? Part One.

A common question that I'm getting right now as more of my friends are hearing that I'm training to become a doula (along with "what is a doula?"..dona.org has great info on that but I will address in another post) is "what made you want to be a doula?"  I really feel like in order to answer this question that I need to start back to why I desired a natural childbirth with Henry and what I've learned about my body since labor/delivery/breastfeeding.  So this is just part one :).

Growing up, my mother always spoke of her labor and deliveries so positively that she made me see labor and delivery as something to look forward to in the future.  I loved hearing her birth stories growing up (all four of them!) and how she described labor as "Christmas morning" for her.  I've always been proud of my mom for many reasons but lately I've come to an even greater appreciation of how she was willing to be different.  For example, my dad was the second dad to ever be allowed in the delivery room in our small town (because they asked!!) and my mom's labor and delivery nurse asked if she could watch my mom's first latch with breastfeeding because she "never saw that before."  I guess we have come a long way in some aspects of the l&d process since the 1970s :).  My mom's descriptions of her labor and contractions made me realize that this "pain" was different.  Labor "pain" is different than any other pain that we experience in our life because it is pain that actually means that something good is happening.  She explained to me often the importance of relaxing during a contraction as becoming tense made it so much worse.  I kept this advice in mind when I wanted to curl up in a ball with horrible menstrual cramps (thanks to endometriosis).  One of my favorite parts of my mom's first birth story with my brother Ethan is how she tells about how the first l&d nurse that saw her (checked her) told her that she wasn't in labor and how my mom knew that wasn't true.  I love how my mom believed her own body at such a young age when someone older and experienced was telling her differently.  I wish I could say that I had the same strength when it was my turn.  After experiencing a miscarriage and infertility, I felt that my body was broken and was extremely fearful that my body would not know what to do when it came to labor and delivery and breastfeeding.  I can remember answering people's questions about if I planned to breastfeed with "I definitely want to breastfeed if I can" as if my body literally wouldn't produce the milk (which by the way only happens in a very, very small percentage of women).  It would be like me saying that I definitely want to get some ice cream if I don't get struck by lightning on the way.  I will never forget a comment left on my blog by my friend from high school Elizabeth who is training to be a midwife (yay!) when I was in tears (okay sobs!) over another fingertip dilated vaginal check (which I now know was completely unnecessary...please read this article if you are preg) and the possibility of csection/induction.  She gave me the famous quote by Ina May Gaskin..."your body is not a lemon."  Oh how I wish I would have listened to the truth behind that quote.  I wouldn't have had an elective induction at 39 weeks.  I was so terrified of my body not acting correctly or the baby being "too big" that I would "need" a csection that I didn't listen to my gut or my friend.  For years, I dreamed of what labor and delivery would be like...making the phone call to shaun to come home from work because I was in labor...resting and breathing deeply in the arms of my hubby during labor...feeling every contraction and knowing we were one step closer to finally meeting our baby.  I didn't want to be propped up in a bed while everyone came to visit like it was a party completely unaware that a miracle was taking place.  Some women desire that type of labor and delivery and that is their choice (one of the reasons for the high csection rate), but it wasn't for me. 
Even though my birth story with Henry has some regrets, it was still the best day of our lives as we met our sweet Henry.  The time that we spent in labor were some of the most bonding moments in our marriage.  We just needed someone to help us along.  Someone who could have assured me that my body works and that I wouldn't carry Henry around for 11 months and to talk to my doctor about my options.  Someone who could have told me that I was in transition and that ten cm was right around the corner.  Someone who could have make sure that the music playing that was helping me so much would stay on (it kept turning off and shaun didn't have time to fix it in between contractions!) or done something with the alarm that kept going off.  Someone who could have gotten my nurse when I needed to go to the bathroom or to remind me that I needed to go (always hurt worse with a full bladder!).  Someone who could have given my poor hubby a break who rubbed me without time for food or drink for hours and hours (he told me later that this is part of the reason why he didn't try to encourage me to rethink the epi when I asked for it...oh and he had a pulled muscle in his back that hurt so bad the entire day and didn't say a word about it...wow.). 

I want to be that someone for couples in our area who are desiring natural childbirth.  I can't imagine what a joy it is going to be for me to guide my first couple through their labor and delivery and first latch.  And that is just one of the reasons why I want to be a doula :).