Finally have time to blog...just wish it was under better circumstances. I'm starting to feel better today as this is day 3 in bed with the swine flu. Yesterday was the worst as I couldn't keep anything down. I will spare y'all the details, but just take my word for it and get the shot. Shaun has been absolutely wonderful. He went in to work yesterday morning, but I think he could tell that I wasn't going to make it without him so he came home at lunch to take care of Henry, and he is working from home today as well. Henry is happy and doesn't have a fever so we are just praying he doesn't get it. I'm still breastfeeding to make sure he gets my antibodies, but we did have to supplement with a little formula last night since I wasn't making enough milk because I was completely dehydrated from hugging the toilet. I was really anxious about giving him formula, but he seemed to tolerate it well. And he slept through the night! I don't think he has done that since I last blogged (note to self: might need to stop blogging when he sleeps through the night). He usually has a quick 4 AM feeding.
The last thing I want this blog to turn into is all of the happy with no honesty about what is really going on in our lives. It was much easier to write my true feelings during infertility...call it survivor guilt or whatever you would like, but it is much harder for me to be "real" now. So here is my first attempt at telling it like it is...
The first seven weeks of Henry's life were incredibly hard. I know that some of my friends and family might have thought I had postpartum depression, but I was really just sleep deprived. There were nights that I only got ten to fifteen minutes of sleep at a time. I did it by myself because I didn't want Shaun to lose sleep and then have to work a long day at the office. Those few weeks were some of the hardest in my life. And I felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way. I had my precious little healthy miracle, but I was a complete disaster. If I had to give anyone with a new baby advice it would be this...throw everything you just read during your pregnancy out the window for the first eight weeks! If the only way you can get sleep or a nap is to hold them...then do it. If the baby needs a car ride to calm down or fall asleep...take one. If anyone offers to come hold your baby while you nap...go ahead and schedule a time that works for them. Just do what works because they are too young to know the difference. This is what my friends tried to tell me, but I didn't listen. I thought I would cause sleep problems. But around 8 weeks (from my experience and what I've heard from others) no matter what you do, it gets better. Of course we had trush and reflux so that was part of the reason it was so bad, but he really started sleeping so much better.
My other confession is that this has been a hard time in our marriage. I never knew it would be so difficult. We've always been such a great team that I really didn't anticipate having much of a transition. Part of what was/is making it so hard is Shaun's work schedule. For the past four weeks, he has been working long nights and weekends on a huge, stressful project (tons and tons of overtime). When he would finally get home from work, I was ready to hand Henry off to him for diaper changes and holding, and he was so tired that he really couldn't deal with a crying baby. I guess I felt like I was working all day/night too and that I deserved a little break. Looking back now, I realize that I was being way too hard on Shaun. We were both just exhausted, and it didn't help to come home to a winey wife. When we finally had time together, we just weren't in sync. He didn't know what Henry needed or what I needed for him because he hadn't been around. With all of that said, the past two days have been great. Shaun has gotten to catch up on some much needed father/son bonding time while being an incredible caregiver to me. It almost makes me a little thankful for the flu :) (okay not really), but I think it has helped get us back on the same wavelength.
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8 comments:
Thank you for being honest! It's nice to be able to see how it might really be once our little one arrives in March. Everyone always talks about how wonderful it is, but we're not super heroes and we all have a bad day once in a while! Keep it up! And hopefully you can catch up on some much needed rest. =)
Woah, the swine flu? So scary! I'm glad you are starting to feel better though.
You are right, the first few weeks are really hard. I remember feeling like I was suffocating and losing myself. It was definitely sleep deprivation causing that. DH and I would fight a lot in the middle of the night. He thought I let her cry too long, or I thought it was "his turn", etc.
We made up a rule called the 11-7 rule. The rule is that anythingn said to each other between the hours of 11 am and 7 pm don't count. As in, we acknowledge that those hurtful things that come out when you're exhausted don't really mean anything. It helped us on a few occasions.
Thanks for your honesty..
Yep, I think all first time moms feel the same way. I know I did. Being a second time mom, I was told people what I needed and was not afraid of asking for help. I guess when you are first timer, you are afraid of people thinking that you aren't going to be a good mom if YOU don't do everything, but that is not the case. Being a good mom is about knowing your limits and being able to ask for help when you need it.
Congrats on the bonding time over the last few days. I know that it stinks the reason this was brought on but at least it happened. :)
Thanks for your honesty! Never know why the Lord allowed you to get sick with the flu...
Amen, Amen, and Amen... Children are a blessing from the Lord, but they will throw you a curve ball. Hang in there and we are praying for sweet Henry. I know it is one thing for you to be sick, but a completely different thing when your baby is ill. Blessings!
So sorry you have been feeling so yucky! I know exactly what you are talking about relationship wise-we went through that and still do! It gets easier=but you deserve a break too! :D
So sorry the piggy flu got you! :( It visited our house too. But we were lucky that it was very very mild for us. I hope you got/get through it all okay and can get back into the swing of things.
Sending you lots of hugs and get well vibes!
Courtney, you don't know me from Adam, but I've been following your blog for a while. Thank you so much for your honesty in this post, and I hope that it will help some other first-time moms! I wish that I had read something like this when my baby was a newborn, because I felt so much guilt that it wasn't all sunshine and roses. My marriage really struggled too, for many of the same reasons you state. Adding a new, totally dependent person to the mix really changes the dynamics of a couple and I want to tell you and other moms reading this to HANG ON because it will get better! Thanks again for your insights.
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