Friday, October 30, 2009
Henry might have it too...
waiting for a call back from the dr. He has a fever, and he is fussy. Will update when I can...I've been praying so hard that this wouldn't happen.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
This post is brought to you by the swine flu
Finally have time to blog...just wish it was under better circumstances. I'm starting to feel better today as this is day 3 in bed with the swine flu. Yesterday was the worst as I couldn't keep anything down. I will spare y'all the details, but just take my word for it and get the shot. Shaun has been absolutely wonderful. He went in to work yesterday morning, but I think he could tell that I wasn't going to make it without him so he came home at lunch to take care of Henry, and he is working from home today as well. Henry is happy and doesn't have a fever so we are just praying he doesn't get it. I'm still breastfeeding to make sure he gets my antibodies, but we did have to supplement with a little formula last night since I wasn't making enough milk because I was completely dehydrated from hugging the toilet. I was really anxious about giving him formula, but he seemed to tolerate it well. And he slept through the night! I don't think he has done that since I last blogged (note to self: might need to stop blogging when he sleeps through the night). He usually has a quick 4 AM feeding.
The last thing I want this blog to turn into is all of the happy with no honesty about what is really going on in our lives. It was much easier to write my true feelings during infertility...call it survivor guilt or whatever you would like, but it is much harder for me to be "real" now. So here is my first attempt at telling it like it is...
The first seven weeks of Henry's life were incredibly hard. I know that some of my friends and family might have thought I had postpartum depression, but I was really just sleep deprived. There were nights that I only got ten to fifteen minutes of sleep at a time. I did it by myself because I didn't want Shaun to lose sleep and then have to work a long day at the office. Those few weeks were some of the hardest in my life. And I felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way. I had my precious little healthy miracle, but I was a complete disaster. If I had to give anyone with a new baby advice it would be this...throw everything you just read during your pregnancy out the window for the first eight weeks! If the only way you can get sleep or a nap is to hold them...then do it. If the baby needs a car ride to calm down or fall asleep...take one. If anyone offers to come hold your baby while you nap...go ahead and schedule a time that works for them. Just do what works because they are too young to know the difference. This is what my friends tried to tell me, but I didn't listen. I thought I would cause sleep problems. But around 8 weeks (from my experience and what I've heard from others) no matter what you do, it gets better. Of course we had trush and reflux so that was part of the reason it was so bad, but he really started sleeping so much better.
My other confession is that this has been a hard time in our marriage. I never knew it would be so difficult. We've always been such a great team that I really didn't anticipate having much of a transition. Part of what was/is making it so hard is Shaun's work schedule. For the past four weeks, he has been working long nights and weekends on a huge, stressful project (tons and tons of overtime). When he would finally get home from work, I was ready to hand Henry off to him for diaper changes and holding, and he was so tired that he really couldn't deal with a crying baby. I guess I felt like I was working all day/night too and that I deserved a little break. Looking back now, I realize that I was being way too hard on Shaun. We were both just exhausted, and it didn't help to come home to a winey wife. When we finally had time together, we just weren't in sync. He didn't know what Henry needed or what I needed for him because he hadn't been around. With all of that said, the past two days have been great. Shaun has gotten to catch up on some much needed father/son bonding time while being an incredible caregiver to me. It almost makes me a little thankful for the flu :) (okay not really), but I think it has helped get us back on the same wavelength.
The last thing I want this blog to turn into is all of the happy with no honesty about what is really going on in our lives. It was much easier to write my true feelings during infertility...call it survivor guilt or whatever you would like, but it is much harder for me to be "real" now. So here is my first attempt at telling it like it is...
The first seven weeks of Henry's life were incredibly hard. I know that some of my friends and family might have thought I had postpartum depression, but I was really just sleep deprived. There were nights that I only got ten to fifteen minutes of sleep at a time. I did it by myself because I didn't want Shaun to lose sleep and then have to work a long day at the office. Those few weeks were some of the hardest in my life. And I felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way. I had my precious little healthy miracle, but I was a complete disaster. If I had to give anyone with a new baby advice it would be this...throw everything you just read during your pregnancy out the window for the first eight weeks! If the only way you can get sleep or a nap is to hold them...then do it. If the baby needs a car ride to calm down or fall asleep...take one. If anyone offers to come hold your baby while you nap...go ahead and schedule a time that works for them. Just do what works because they are too young to know the difference. This is what my friends tried to tell me, but I didn't listen. I thought I would cause sleep problems. But around 8 weeks (from my experience and what I've heard from others) no matter what you do, it gets better. Of course we had trush and reflux so that was part of the reason it was so bad, but he really started sleeping so much better.
My other confession is that this has been a hard time in our marriage. I never knew it would be so difficult. We've always been such a great team that I really didn't anticipate having much of a transition. Part of what was/is making it so hard is Shaun's work schedule. For the past four weeks, he has been working long nights and weekends on a huge, stressful project (tons and tons of overtime). When he would finally get home from work, I was ready to hand Henry off to him for diaper changes and holding, and he was so tired that he really couldn't deal with a crying baby. I guess I felt like I was working all day/night too and that I deserved a little break. Looking back now, I realize that I was being way too hard on Shaun. We were both just exhausted, and it didn't help to come home to a winey wife. When we finally had time together, we just weren't in sync. He didn't know what Henry needed or what I needed for him because he hadn't been around. With all of that said, the past two days have been great. Shaun has gotten to catch up on some much needed father/son bonding time while being an incredible caregiver to me. It almost makes me a little thankful for the flu :) (okay not really), but I think it has helped get us back on the same wavelength.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
What a Big Boy!
Last night at 10:30, I put down a wide awake little Henry in his crib. We said our prayers, and he smiled at me like he was ready to play. I turned on his mobile without sound...kissed his forehead and walked out of his room. I woke up around 3 surprised that he dropped the 1 AM feeding for the third night in a row and watched the monitor for a few seconds to watch his belly move up and down. Next thing I knew...it was 6:30! I quickly looked at the monitor to see Henry still sleeping and sucking his thumb. My boobs were killing! They were hard as rocks! I even made Shaun put his hand on them to feel them lol. So I got up and pumped so it wouldn't be too hard for Henry to nurse. Henry woke up at 6:45!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a big boy! I was one proud Mama, and I was happy, happy, happy to get Henry out of his crib. I just made the biggest fuss over him, and he was kinda like..."okay mom...enough already...all I want to do is eat...what is the big deal?!" I realize that it will probably be some time before this happens every night, but I'm so encouraged! So for those sleep deprived moms that will arrive to this post via google in the future...here is what I think is helping his sleep.
1. Reflux is better now with meds...Just got treated for thrush...and elimination of dairy from my diet. He seems to just be feeling better overall!
2. Cluster feedings in the evening- he wants to eat often, and I let him! He stays on me most of the evening (or at least it feels like it!)
3. Bedtime routine- bath and changing clothes plus putting him in his sleep sack
4. Thumb sucking!!- just in the last week or so, he has started really sucking his thumb to self-soothe. This is huge!
5. Pumped bottle- Shaun also gave him a bottle of pumped milk...I feel like my supply can't keep up with his need in the evenings!
6. Babywise daytime routine- eating approx every 3 hours and a eat, wake, sleep routine. I've also started a morning routine...we start the day around 7, and I pull back all of the curtains/turn on a bunch of lights and sing the Good morning song and lots of talking!
7. Henry's age and weight- 9 weeks and 12 lbs 6 ounces or so
In other Henry news not related to sleep... just in the last week or so, Henry has really started to smile a bunch (love it!). It is getting easy to make him smile now. And he loves to talk and make eye contact. We have really deep conversations. I'm really loving being his mommy. For those of you still waiting...I promise it is worth it.
New post on prayingforalittleone!
1. Reflux is better now with meds...Just got treated for thrush...and elimination of dairy from my diet. He seems to just be feeling better overall!
2. Cluster feedings in the evening- he wants to eat often, and I let him! He stays on me most of the evening (or at least it feels like it!)
3. Bedtime routine- bath and changing clothes plus putting him in his sleep sack
4. Thumb sucking!!- just in the last week or so, he has started really sucking his thumb to self-soothe. This is huge!
5. Pumped bottle- Shaun also gave him a bottle of pumped milk...I feel like my supply can't keep up with his need in the evenings!
6. Babywise daytime routine- eating approx every 3 hours and a eat, wake, sleep routine. I've also started a morning routine...we start the day around 7, and I pull back all of the curtains/turn on a bunch of lights and sing the Good morning song and lots of talking!
7. Henry's age and weight- 9 weeks and 12 lbs 6 ounces or so
In other Henry news not related to sleep... just in the last week or so, Henry has really started to smile a bunch (love it!). It is getting easy to make him smile now. And he loves to talk and make eye contact. We have really deep conversations. I'm really loving being his mommy. For those of you still waiting...I promise it is worth it.
New post on prayingforalittleone!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Two Months Old!
I was on facebook yesterday looking at pictures of Henry as a newborn, and I can't believe how much he has changed. He is a big boy! Okay he really isn't that big still, but he doesn't look like a tiny little newborn baby anymore. I can't believe how fast he is growing before my eyes. I have only been away from him for like 30 minutes one time about a month ago so it is hard to notice the changes as much until I look back at pictures. Henry's new hair is already growing fast in the front so I know it won't be long until he has a head full of hair again. His eyelashes are super long (yay! I'm hoping this means he has his dad's adorable eyelashes), and I'm starting to feel extra fat in his chest and thighs :). We have our 8 week checkup tomorrow so I can't wait to see how much he weighs. Henry is starting to show us more of his sweet little personality. This morning at a 6 AM feeding I was exhausted from a long night, Henry was just eating away when all of a sudden he pulled off looked up at me and smiled. And the smiles continued along with precious baby talk. Oh it just melted my heart! It was as if he just wanted to tell me how happy he was to be eating and that it was morning time. Just that one minute of sweetness made any screaming the night before completely worth it.
As I mentioned above, tomorrow is our 8 week checkup, and I hope our doctor is ready for a million questions! We haven't seen him in over six weeks, and I have a lot to ask about with Henry's reflux and sleep problems. Before I list all of the things I'm going to ask about (using my blog to think this through!), I want to thank all of the mothers who have left encouragement about reflux, thrush, and sleep problems....it really means a lot and all of your thoughts have been very helpful!
Okay my list...feel free to comment with suggestions!
Reflux:
--Saw improvement with Axid, but still not sure that it is much better. Henry is still waking frequently in between feedings, and he is sometimes wet from spitup when I go to comfort him.
Spit-up is thick like it has been in the stomach, goes through nose sometimes (poor little man), projectile several times (completely freaked me out--pretty sure he lost close to his entire meal)
Worst time of day is from 8:30 to 10:30 PM not sure if this is reflux related or just typical newborn fussiness.
Sleep:
Still waking frequently between feedings…again sometimes wet from spitting up…but calms down immediately if I pick him up. Also tried paci and patting without picking him up. He will calm down easily either way, but he is awake again crying usually within a few minutes.
Going down for sleep- seems to really fight going down at night. Doesn’t matter if we put him to bed still awake, dreaming or a deep sleep…usually wakes up within minutes of laying him down on back in crib. And he is not a happy camper!
Any suggestions??!!
Still feeding about every 2-3 hours at night, but doesn't seem to be eating much before he falls asleep. Comfort nursing? He can't be getting very much!
Stool:
Foamy Stool—do we need to be concerned about it? What causes it?
Stool on average three times a day—is this too much? (typically explosive)
Milk Protein Allergy:
Is there a way to test for this?
In the meantime...I've eliminated dairy (for the most part) from my diet
Thrush:
Currently being treated for thrush from our breastfeeding doctor. I'm on difflucan daily for two weeks, and Henry is getting his tounge scrubbed with a qtip after every feeding with nystatin (he likes this by the way--super cute)
Extra info for y'all-- We are on a baby wise routine with feedings every 2 hrs and 30-45 minutes. Feedings last about 30 to 40 minutes. First feeding of the day around 7 AM, and I try to put him in bed at 7 PM for night but he fights it the entire time. Shaun and I take turns going in to calm him down for that feeding and then I'm on my own for the rest of the night!
How about a pic of mr. henry?
As I mentioned above, tomorrow is our 8 week checkup, and I hope our doctor is ready for a million questions! We haven't seen him in over six weeks, and I have a lot to ask about with Henry's reflux and sleep problems. Before I list all of the things I'm going to ask about (using my blog to think this through!), I want to thank all of the mothers who have left encouragement about reflux, thrush, and sleep problems....it really means a lot and all of your thoughts have been very helpful!
Okay my list...feel free to comment with suggestions!
Reflux:
--Saw improvement with Axid, but still not sure that it is much better. Henry is still waking frequently in between feedings, and he is sometimes wet from spitup when I go to comfort him.
Spit-up is thick like it has been in the stomach, goes through nose sometimes (poor little man), projectile several times (completely freaked me out--pretty sure he lost close to his entire meal)
Worst time of day is from 8:30 to 10:30 PM not sure if this is reflux related or just typical newborn fussiness.
Sleep:
Still waking frequently between feedings…again sometimes wet from spitting up…but calms down immediately if I pick him up. Also tried paci and patting without picking him up. He will calm down easily either way, but he is awake again crying usually within a few minutes.
Going down for sleep- seems to really fight going down at night. Doesn’t matter if we put him to bed still awake, dreaming or a deep sleep…usually wakes up within minutes of laying him down on back in crib. And he is not a happy camper!
Any suggestions??!!
Still feeding about every 2-3 hours at night, but doesn't seem to be eating much before he falls asleep. Comfort nursing? He can't be getting very much!
Stool:
Foamy Stool—do we need to be concerned about it? What causes it?
Stool on average three times a day—is this too much? (typically explosive)
Milk Protein Allergy:
Is there a way to test for this?
In the meantime...I've eliminated dairy (for the most part) from my diet
Thrush:
Currently being treated for thrush from our breastfeeding doctor. I'm on difflucan daily for two weeks, and Henry is getting his tounge scrubbed with a qtip after every feeding with nystatin (he likes this by the way--super cute)
Extra info for y'all-- We are on a baby wise routine with feedings every 2 hrs and 30-45 minutes. Feedings last about 30 to 40 minutes. First feeding of the day around 7 AM, and I try to put him in bed at 7 PM for night but he fights it the entire time. Shaun and I take turns going in to calm him down for that feeding and then I'm on my own for the rest of the night!
How about a pic of mr. henry?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Postpartum Appt of Two Infertiles
Also posted on prayingforalittleone
At my postpartum visit this week another new mom in the waiting room saw that I just had Henry and decided to strike up a conversation with me. We talked about feeding and sleeping schedules and all of the typical newborn mom small talk, but as we were talking I couldn't help but notice another woman sitting close by and her body language as she listened to our conversation. I cringed as the new mom talked about how "weird it was to be at the clinic without being pregnant" and many other comments that I knew would have hurt me if I had overheard them a year ago when I was at the gyn for my annual in the middle of fertility treatments. The woman nearby was flipping through a magazine and cringing every time I was cringing. I tried to tell myself that I was just imagining things, but when I saw her obviously make a face when the lab tech said, "see you next year." I knew she was struggling with infertility. I decided that if anyone said anything about Henry while I was waiting for bloodwork that I would say something so that she could be encouraged or she could talk to me if she wanted. The lab tech that I had for what felt like a million appointments during the pregnancy started ooing and aahing over Henry so I took the opportunity to say, "he really is a miracle." She started talking about how all babies are miracles once you learn what can go wrong and then I replied that every baby is for sure a miracle once you realize all that has to happen. Immediately my infertile friend spoke up (took the bait!)..."did you have to do fertility treatments to get pregnant?" I couldn't believe I was actually right about her! But it turns out I was only partially right. She did previously struggle with infertility, but she was there for a postpartum appointment. She had to do IVF to get pregnant with her first, but then had two surprise pregnancies so she has her hands full now with three under three! After she made sure to tell me to be careful (that advice went in one ear and out the other-no birth control for us!), we discussed infertility treatments like we were old friends. I know infertility is common and that I could have just made a lucky guess, but there was something about her body language. She heard things the way I heard them. She was sitting there with three babies at home, but infertility changed her just like it changed me. We can't sit there and hear "see you next year" and not think about the poor girl that is there for her yearly and praying that it is not another year before she makes it back to the clinic again. Our prayers were answered...we have our miracles, but going through infertility will forever change us.
At my postpartum visit this week another new mom in the waiting room saw that I just had Henry and decided to strike up a conversation with me. We talked about feeding and sleeping schedules and all of the typical newborn mom small talk, but as we were talking I couldn't help but notice another woman sitting close by and her body language as she listened to our conversation. I cringed as the new mom talked about how "weird it was to be at the clinic without being pregnant" and many other comments that I knew would have hurt me if I had overheard them a year ago when I was at the gyn for my annual in the middle of fertility treatments. The woman nearby was flipping through a magazine and cringing every time I was cringing. I tried to tell myself that I was just imagining things, but when I saw her obviously make a face when the lab tech said, "see you next year." I knew she was struggling with infertility. I decided that if anyone said anything about Henry while I was waiting for bloodwork that I would say something so that she could be encouraged or she could talk to me if she wanted. The lab tech that I had for what felt like a million appointments during the pregnancy started ooing and aahing over Henry so I took the opportunity to say, "he really is a miracle." She started talking about how all babies are miracles once you learn what can go wrong and then I replied that every baby is for sure a miracle once you realize all that has to happen. Immediately my infertile friend spoke up (took the bait!)..."did you have to do fertility treatments to get pregnant?" I couldn't believe I was actually right about her! But it turns out I was only partially right. She did previously struggle with infertility, but she was there for a postpartum appointment. She had to do IVF to get pregnant with her first, but then had two surprise pregnancies so she has her hands full now with three under three! After she made sure to tell me to be careful (that advice went in one ear and out the other-no birth control for us!), we discussed infertility treatments like we were old friends. I know infertility is common and that I could have just made a lucky guess, but there was something about her body language. She heard things the way I heard them. She was sitting there with three babies at home, but infertility changed her just like it changed me. We can't sit there and hear "see you next year" and not think about the poor girl that is there for her yearly and praying that it is not another year before she makes it back to the clinic again. Our prayers were answered...we have our miracles, but going through infertility will forever change us.
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